Monday, March 12, 2007

Tomorrow Will Tell

The ski trip was a trip, a lot of work and well worth it. Merry and David have been exposed to their fathers favorite past time and both came away feeling good about it. This is not the subject of this post however. When we returned home it became evident that my friend Jackson had taken a severe turn for the worse.

His hips have been bothering him and something happened over the weekend that has left his rear left leg dead. It was a year ago when I first started to think about ending Jackson's life. It sounds so cruel but that was the time when his blindness and anxiety got the best of him. He adapted and has lead a sedentary life since. Confined to the yard and the areas of the house where he feels comfortable.

I have a feeling that the Vet is going to try to talk me into fixing his leg, digging out the tumor in his rib cage and maybe even a little experimental eye surgery. All at a discounted rate because they understand what an integral part of our family he is.

The fact is that this dogs life has been on hold for over a year and I feel like a heel for keeping him around. It is a very difficult decision to make and I do not come to it lightly, in fact the odds are, that the Vet will attempt to, and may be successful at, talking me out of it. I hope for Jackson's sake that I remain strong.

He was and remains one of my best and only friends. I have had more private heart felt conversations with him than with any person except my wife. He loves me unconditionally and he is very tired and very sick.

The Vet asks if he is eating and does he make it outside to go to the bathroom? The answer to these questions is yes, but just barely. When I mentioned this to Heidi she asked me if the Vet wants us to wait until he doesn't eat and can't make it out. Would the time be better if he was crapping on the floor and starving?

I feel like God and the weight of this decision is almost to heavy for me to bear. Our appointment is set for tomorrow morning at 8:45.

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