Thursday, April 05, 2007

How Much?

Every six months or so I start to feel overwhelmed. The last time I was feeling like this was back in October. When I stand back and look at it from the outside I see that I need a vacation. A minute to recharge the batteries. This blog has made me aware of the frequency of these feelings. Before this journal there was no record and each time these feelings settled in, it always felt like the first time.

What I feel is a lack of control, the boat is getting away from me and all I can do is hold on and hope for the best. The course I am currently on was set by decisions that have already been made. All that I can do is ride it out and make adjustments for the future.

How many balls can you keep in the air? How much can you handle well? When is enough, enough? Do you know when it is time to get some help? Who do you turn to? My juggling act feels saturated, one more ball and there will be a disaster. Luckily I have a terrific and supportive family that probably does not even realize that I struggle with these questions but by being themselves, give me the foundation and the answers I need to persevere.

An example of my mental anguish just made itself evident. The phone rang, it was the accountant, his news was very good, I thought it was good. I called Heidi, gave her the figure, and her response was "That's it". Every six months or so it feels like I just can't win.

And then the sun comes out and I feel better.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Steve said...

You read my mind with this post. I'm feeling the same these past two weeks.

I think it's just a cycle we all go through. We struggle to get to a place we're not and then when we get there, we enjoy the happiness it brings.

We eventually get used to the peace so much that when it changes, it just feels overwhelming again.

I wish I could learn to enjoy the changes more, but I struggle with them too.

6:47 PM EDT  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

When I feel that way, I tell myself to breathe, just breathe. You can only do what you can with the time that you're given. So when I give my all, what else can I do except breathe. Does that make any sense?

6:57 PM EDT  

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